stephannie

This post site is stuck in a 6 by 6 foot hole of boredom. I have nothing interesting to write, in fact I feel as though any splinter of creative thought and smart assness has disappeared from my life and i'm stuck wondering what it is that is keeping me alive. Everyday I wake up and bring some stuff with me to the beach and lay there. Here are my choices in no particular order:

ipod
catch - 22
write postcards
write project journals
roll over

I'm losing my mind not having any work to do and I don't know if you can understand this but it kind of snowballs into not wanting to do anything. A combination of too much sleep and laziness has taken over and all I'm trying to do is make it until Saturday. I will be hiking for 4 days in the Bulgarian mountains with my uncle and a bunch of old "hippies".
There feel sorry for me.

Isn't it strange that your life flip flopping upside down and left and right when you are just simple living at home is more dynamic and exciting than mine, and I paid 237286328 dollars for an exotic experience. I know I'm being a little snobby, I've had a lot of fun up til now. Thing is I'm not even on the villa anymore, I'm in a stuffy apartment on the beach where the sea is too cold for swimming. Just the sight of that crystal blue water makes me furious.

I wanna be sitting at a bon fire, watching the sweet peas grow
Im glad time flies when you're young, so that I can fly home soon and do all that.
Noodles at lake padden, BBBBBBQQQtofu. Making some money.
scoring pizza slices from Rudy's.
economics 207..history...
O
I love my house in the summer time and this is the first time I'll be sharing it with someone, aww how special.

Ah girl cheer up just hang out til Saturday. Actually these last few days will probably be the last, and even now I always got a bike ride in the evening to look forward to. Two days after we return from our trip I'm packing my things and getting on a bus to Greece to meet up with Callie, Kendall, Lulu, and Claire. Oh how that will be just niiiiiiiiiice. I'm not stressing it at all, not that I tend to, but someone else is doing all the planning and I don't know what I'm getting into or where we are going until I'm in Greece. Thats just fine with me.

I keep having these dreams about Brazilian men. Maybe we are making a geographical mistake in our plans?? Just kidding. I hope and hope and pee my pants a little that central/south America becomes a reality this September. Even though I know it will.

Well my uncle is home, I can hear him swearing at the door. He always comes home with sweets for me now, after my grandpa made me cry by saying I was getting fat.
Sweet uncle, sweet grandpa.

Damn

reporting from base camp number two. but number one right now. ahahlalalala
I'm just having a hell of a time. Its pretty chilly here by the sea but yesterday surprised me with some melty warm sun that swept me to the beach with my grandma....who could live in water. Only the warm natural baths are fit for this time of year and they are usually full of well aged people soaking in its healthy minerals. Not my thing, actually I don't think I've ever liked having water on me.
WHAT I KNOW ABOUT VARNA. I was not born here. My mother was. Everything in this apartment is new and remodeled and I don't like it because its not how I remember it. The porch doors do not open from the outside making it very likely that my very amusing and pain in the ass uncle will lock me outside in my underwear. Mr. funny man has always been my favorite uncle and I'm glad he isn't getting any older in his head. I on the other side of the circle am way way too old.
He's got a female on his back that makes me hope and pray I keep my mind away from anything that resembles hers. Given the opportunity I feel like I'm a considerate and reasonable person to be with. I hope that I can reassure myself of that as my life develops.

Varna is a beautiful city with lots of humanlife in the wildlife of its parks and waterfront. Seeing people use public places brings a healthy feel to an area. Today I saw guys roller blading. Roller blading! My uncle has been getting me out of the house every chance he gets bless his soul. We went on a bike ride around the Sea Garden and had a great time and even stopped for a cold one. The days here are picking up their pace and i regret that. I also regret that I haven't spent any time with my grandparents but know that its not my fault. They work their retired bums to the bone.
Today was sunny but not warm so me and Kiro (my crude uncle) took the Opal to a village to buy fresh goat yogurt and some spoons. We did not pay for the spoons. Then we drove to the crest of a cliff where part of a restaurant fell many years ago. We ate our sour treat there and had the most mind blowing panoramic view of the city and coast. I am really annoyed with myself for forgetting my camera. But its ok!! I have guests a coming and it will be just one more reason to return.
Goodbye Goodbye and meet the oldest dog in the world

sparks fly when you plug it in

wooop aaaa
get em. Happy birthday birthday, he made it! I hope it was my grandpa's best and oldest birthday yet. He even got flowers from my mom, most likely the first bunch in his life. He told all his friends. We ate a very delicious cake at home around midday to celebrate and then made reservations at a "traditional villagers" restaurant where they are supposed to sing, dance, and play music to "traditional bulgarian" style. I enjoyed it but wonder why the girls forgot half of their outfits backstage. Unfortunetly our wonderful waiters staff lied and robbed me for everything I'm worth and the music was too loud for my dear old man so we left, but not before our server had the nerve to ask me for my number to take me out. I let him take me out too. I wonder if he even finished a a 1/16 of the food and drink I ordered before he realized I wasn't coming back from the bathroom. Hands down way down! the best part of the day was my grandpa's birthday message over the radio from Bellingham. He didn't understand it but was happy happy like a kid with a new squirt gun. You the man, Ryan.

The rest of my short stay in the PB of the BG was handed over to some old friends. Actually it was handed over to the new friends of my old friends, my old friends were mostly too fucked up to notice I was there. Either way it was fun hanging around a table with young people and talking about nothing personal. Privatizing your life can be so refreshing. I hope some needle thin wounds dont wind up deep enough to swallow them whole.

I also snuck in one more Wednesday with the old commies.

Welcome to the nighttrain tooot tooot. Is that how it goes Joe? Shaky train.
All night travelers coach welcome to the pearl of the Black Sea. Im in Varna and its a beach city with a temperature of 0' C. Shes dying! The cold sun is a strange thing but I like it here anyway. My grandparents here are busy people and work all the time. I havent seen my grandpa since he went to work yesterday morning, thats 24 hours of woork why why? I like that they have things to do and dont run after me and stress over whether im having fun or not, and im always having fun when my uncle is around. That piece of pie is so funny and runs his mouth to Japan. Well he's busy now too being a grown up dentist but next week hes taking me on vacation. Im going On vacation! I'll tell you all about it.
grandpa just came home

Whats going on in the US? Why are Koreans shooting up the school? 1000 a day, either way.

LUV LO

farmer man

O hello internet right here in my home how im worried about your presence. O hey its my grandpa's 80th birthday. born 80 years ago today huh what that must feel like in your mind. he seems pretty calm and simple, my head would probably blow up at around 29. All this talking about my gramps reminds me of going out to eat and drink with his buddies last wednsday. I assume they are exactly how you would imagine really funny, complaining, old men to be like. Actually I bet they were having more fun with a girl there. I think at every age men compete for a womens attention, even if just to be a pair of ears. Big, hairy ears...well. Good jokes for sure. Someone, in my honor, ordered everyone these grand delicious ice cream sundays (sundaes?yummdays?) that had little sparkler toys for decoration, in front of my grandpa and another randomly landed the red sparklers...how did the waitress know they were the only retired communists at the table!!.

80 years old!! I dont believe it and you shouldnt either. call me a liar I have pictures here of him hiking with me. It was such a good couple hours. He showed me the way to the next village and then we did our usual hike up the river to the waterfall and up high to the woods and further to the meadows and then finally home, to enjoy the heartiest and quietest of meals. This will be our last trip to the high hills(unless we sneak one in somewhere) for a while. I have some bizznass to take care of and hey my friends found me today. I got a surprise visit from Stephi, Theodora, and Antonia. We went and got some coffee but it only made me wish we were only just 12 and not missing half of our company. My dearest pal, Xana, is in england doing here thing, and well others are doing crooked things. dog bless them. On Wednesday I leave Plovdiv for Varna. If only I can stay away from its filthy beaches and long as I can because the thought of frying like a fish on a beach for hours doing nothing is starting to make me feel....
everything has its beauty. really, maybe everything except Maura's broken leg.

Two more weeks Or so in Bulgaria and I get to sleep next to some warm bodies! Callie, Kendall, Claire, and Lulu are going to be in the r e g i o n and I'm meeting them in Greece. I've never really thought much of the place but I think things will be much different, and I've never been to Macedonia or Croatia (new new new). Then they are coming here with me, to the BG, to help deplete my grandparents supply of canned fruit and goods that would suffice all of the Bulgarian troops in Iraq(143) for the next 10 years that it continues. yippie.

Enough, my words are getting difficult.
whatever is playing right now on KUGS (2:03 pm) sounds just like bulgarian chowga get it off!
arg peace out, peacefuls

complimentary colors

life on the mountain, living like goats.
This is where I want to be most when I am to be here.

Baba however is almost always being yellow, Im getting to be a deep blue, and in the end its turning into a firing red! (thank you Fiona) All these colors together are not complimentary and true to the science of light we are entering a grey relationship. My grandma is always worried! always stressed. I think more than ever, at least from what I remember and its freaking me out.
I dont think it's my patience, im just worried for her. Worry upon worry, it just cant be good for your health.

Finally we left the city for the bulgarian hills. Ezvor(the village below our villa) is a pretty special place. I dont know how I got this idea, if its from my little kiddie days when I played in all the endless places it has to offer, or because its soooooooooooOOOooooo peace. Peace on earth! I think me and my dyado(grampa) are made of the same blood. Its a good thing someone decided to name me after him and not someone else. The air is good to us, and the quiet is good to us, and the work well it brings food to us. They dont let me do much, and thats not surprising because what do I know about subsistence? Actually I know a lot, but my subsistence comes from other things.... . That one day, the day before last, we went searching for wild herbs in the forest to cure cough. I almost wish I still had my cough so I could use the herbs I picked myself to cure myself. Hows that for self preservation and healing! I work for my food, much harder than I realize. The money I trade at the grocery stores does not give me that same deal that the fresh produce I pick from the garden and prepare into salad does. I'm cheating myself and I hope above all that I can accomplish something on a small scale here and bring it home whether on paper, in my head, or at the least in my heart. Its the simplest form of life. wake, eat, work, eat, rest, work, sleep. Its a pattern that has been practiced for centuries yet I cant find it in America, in fact its looked down upon. Rest after lunch? Lazy lazy lazy. Assholes, I wish people could see the work that comes out of their bodies as physical...clouds or something. Watch it seep out of their fingers and into their stuff. I guess then you can really bond with your TV.

Whatever, even here there is Bulgarian Idol. ? gospode!

Im going to keep coming back there to the mountains high up up with my dyado as much as I can. I hate the city, I might even hate all large cities. All these boots! its driving me crazy, all this decorated extravagant style I've always thought gaudy. Chowga! Fake sunglasses, filthy dealers. The only ones I want to recognize are my family and the man selling sunflower seeds on the street. GOOD DAY